I’m Not Four-But I Still Need the Reminder

(By Theanna Joyce)

A few weeks ago, a 10-year-old girl I was babysitting filled me in on all of her friend-group drama. One girl was being rude, and then another girl was talking badly about her, which prompted her to respond in kind, and on it spiraled. It was a confusing mess of girls trying to fit in and be cool, with pride or insecurity egging them on to say and do things we would call unkind. 

At one point in the conversation, I said something along the lines of, “It’s so important that we’re careful with what we say because our words can really hurt people.” 

To which she replied, “I’m not four,” with a hard glare.  

True. She’s 10 and knows that this is something we teach little kids, and she felt indignant that I thought she needed to hear that our words can hurt people. After all, it’s a lesson for four-year-olds. 

We sing in Sunday School, "Oh, be careful, little tongue, what you say" to remind children (both the four-year-olds and the 10-year-olds) that their words matter. And now it's time to remind ourselves. 

From an objective standpoint, I think most of us would agree that our words are important and that we shouldn’t slander or speak evil against another. Yet, how often are we like this 10-year-old: blind to our own use of words? 

James 4:11-12 tells us not to speak evil against each other, and, most importantly, it tells us why.

Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it. There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?

We are sisters. That is who we are to James, the writer of this book, and to each other. Remember, we are family in Christ. 

At the start of Chapter 4, James calls his readers “you adulterous people” as he pointed out the sin in their lives, specifically their worldly appetites, and included several imperatives calling them to turn from their sin and to submit to God. 

When Christians are living for their own selfish desires, slander is a common part of their vernacular because they lose sight of the other person as a fellow believer that Christ deeply loves. Here, James calls his readers “brothers and sisters” and reminds the readers, and us, that we are family in Christ and that our speech towards each other matters. 

Those who have been slandered against could write extensively on how damaging it is. It deeply wounds hearts, ruins testimonies, destroys relationships, isolates believers, and breaks church unity.

And above and beyond all of that, it is rebellion against God’s authority. 

In verse 11, James links speaking evil against a person with judging the law. It might seem as though James is making a leap in logic, but let’s look carefully at these words and this epistle as a whole to try and understand his point. 

James 2:8 quotes Leviticus 19:18, which is the second-most important commandment of the Old Testament law: to love one’s neighbor as oneself (Mark 12:31). When a believer speaks evil against a brother or sister, they are breaking this law to love. It is an attack in which they are setting themselves over that other believer as a judge, breaking the very law they claim to uphold. 

Indeed, the end of verse 11 shows us that a Christian’s rightful position should be as a doer of the law, not its judge. The idea of “doing” the law echoes the first chapter of the book where James warns against being hearers only and not doers of the law — people who hear the law without doing it deceive themselves (1:22-25). Think wise man versus foolish man — we want to be those who hear God’s word and obey, building our lives on the rock so that they won’t crash down when the storm comes. 

If we choose to speak evil about another sister in Christ, it points to a heart of pride that does not submit to God’s commands nor recognize His position as the judge.

Sisters, the more I read this passage, the more I pray for God’s mercy, because pride worms its way into our hearts so subtly. It leads us to things like slander and blinds us to the rottenness of it.  

Job’s friends fit the profile of those who were so absorbed by their own knowledge and so-called wisdom, even apparent devotion to God, that they judged Job and accused him of doing evil (Job 19:3). Their framework of suffering was too narrow to accept Job’s innocence and thus led them to slander Job and speak wrongly about God, which God himself condemns them for (Job 42:7). Their slander reveals the arrogance within them; an arrogance that I pray is far from our hearts. 

Only by the power of the Holy Spirit working in us will we be transformed and able to glorify God with our speech. So please pray with me that God will reveal to us if there are any ways that we have dishonored Him in the past with our speech, and that He will give us repentant hearts. May we humble ourselves before God.

As we humble ourselves before God and seek to honor him with our speech, let’s pray Psalm 141:3 together.

Set a guard over my mouth, LORD;

keep watch over the door of my lips.