(By Sarah Decker)
From the time I was a little girl, my dream has been to be a wife and a mother. Anyone who knows me knows I was the girl at conference who could always be seen with a baby on her hip. Only now do I realize how appreciative those moms probably were of a break!
In my late teens, I fell away from the Lord and made some unwise decisions. I had trusted the Lord as my own Saviour before this and I did truly know His presence through it all because He never leaves or forsakes his children! He is such a patient Father and He gave me a gracious opportunity to break away from the baggage I had created and start fresh in Sarnia, living with my sister and brother-in-law.
While living there, I met my husband Jordan, the kindest and most loving man I know. This is where Satan came in and attacked me where he knew I was weak, my self-worth. I felt so undeserving of Jordan. The longer we dated, the more I felt it. But what I feared the most was that because of my rebellion towards my Saviour, He would take away my dream of being a mother. The burden was so great that I told Jordan how sure I was that we would not be able to have children. Shame and guilt had such a huge hold on me. But this is what my precious Lord was trying to make me see.
“My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
“He will have compassion upon us; He will subdue our iniquities, and He will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea” (Micah 7:19).
Those are two verses God had put in my mind to help me fight the shame and think of myself as RENEWED IN CHRIST.
Jordan and I were married after ten months of dating and we found out after one month of marriage that I was carrying our firstborn. “Oh wow, so God’s grace really is sufficient for me!” If I didn’t believe it before, I believed it then. Now let me say this. The Lord did not bless me with motherhood because I deserved it. That would mean that the purpose of motherhood was about me and what I get out of it. I do not think that is the ultimate purpose of raising my three children. God created motherhood for Himself, for our delight, but more importantly for our growth in Him and to glorify Him.
It is ALL for His glory.
If there has been growth - praise God.
If there has been steadfastness in struggle - praise God.
If there has been loud joy or pain-filled faith - praise God.
God is the source of all of the grace, patience, and goodness I might portray as a mother. I have often been tempted to pat myself on the back when I make it through a day of dealing with three children, three and under, without screaming, but let me tell you that it is not me, it is His grace one hundred times over.
I always think of shame and guilt as a way Satan tried to keep me selfish, constantly focused on what I had done. When we focus on what we can do for the Kingdom of God, any feelings of guilt are transformed into feelings of forgiveness and freedom to live in the glory of Christ….one diaper change at a time!
A few words by Rachel Joyce:
Sarah's story has been included on the Blessing Others page because of the incredible blessing she has been to others as she has embraced God's grace and allowed His joy to shine through her. The delight she takes in her little ones and in her husband's love glorifies God. Her life, marked by joy and love, is a living expression of the sufficiency of God's grace.