Alone

(by Meaghan Bartlett)

“I just never thought I’d be doing this alone.”

I was 27 years old and had just bought my first house. I had seen God’s hand very clearly in the circumstances that led to the purchase, and I was filled with excitement at moving into this new stage of life. I was confident that my steps were in line with His will for me.

One Sunday before I was set to move in, a friend came to me with a word from the Lord. She had seen a picture of a home with a white picket fence, but it was not my house. In the picture, I had gone in a different direction. As she shared with me, tears welled up in my eyes, and I didn’t know why. Then I found myself admitting in a choked-up voice, “I just never thought I’d be doing this alone.”

Although I was content with my life and grateful for the prayers that were being answered, it didn’t change the fact that one of my deepest desires — to have a family of my own — had not been realized. 

It’s a beautiful burden of the human heart to bear many, seemingly contradictory, emotions at the same time. But what do you do when joy and hope for the future in front of you are mixed with heartbreak and grief for the future you thought you would have by now? 

How do you handle it when your songs of praise and thankfulness to God do not erase the deeper feelings of hurt and betrayal? How do you speak to Him when you know He gives good gifts, but the raw, singular cry of your heart is, “Why did you give me this and not what I really wanted?”

If you’re in the middle of a storm of emotions right now, if one part of you is struggling to trust in God while another remains convinced of His goodness, all I can tell you is look to Jesus.

Jesus was “a man of sorrow and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3). In the Garden of Gethsemane, He cried out to God, “If it is possible, let this cup [the cross] pass from Me” (Matthew 26:39). Yet Hebrews 12:2 describes the cross as being “the joy that was set before him.”

Whatever is going on in your heart, Jesus knows how it feels. 

Hebrews 4:15 in the Amplified Version says, “For we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize and understand our weaknesses and temptations, but One who has been tempted [knowing exactly how it feels to be human] in every respect as we are, yet without [committing any] sin.”

He didn’t let me ignore the pain I was feeling underneath the happiness. He doesn’t want you to ignore yours either.

The God who created us, planted dreams in the depths of our being, and gave us hearts that feel, did not separate Himself from our struggles. He not only became human, but He experienced everything that being human means, from the fullest joy to the deepest anguish. 

Come to Him. He can handle it.

Because of Him, we are never doing anything alone.